Key Learning Points from the Self-Harm and Hidden Despair Conference

On Tuesday Medica Cpd hosted the Self-Harm and Hidden Despair Conference at the Crutherland House Hotel, Glasgow and what a day of inspirational learning it was for the audience of education, health and social care professionals attending. In this blog we will share what happened and some of the key learning points.

In partnership with Barnardo’s Scotland

We were delighted to welcome back Martin Crewe, Director, Barnardo’s Scotland to Chair today’s conference. With over 25 years experience in this role working with and supporting vulnerable young people, Martin knows only too well the scale of the problem we face and how critical it is that we examine the way in which young people who self-harm are treated and looked after.

Martin reminded us in November 2023 the Scottish Government published the first ever strategy on self-harm and probably the first in the world. Here are some of the sobering facts: 25% of 16-24 year olds & 10% of adults self-harm.

How to Respond to Children who Harm Themselves?

Despite it’s prevalence, many care givers, including medical professionals are still unsure of how to respond to children who harm themselves and there is still a stigma associated with this behaviour.

It is often felt that those who harm have broken a health bond by harming themselves and a lack of understanding and empathy can go onto to cause further shame.

Responding With Love Instead of Fear

So, we get the day started with David Taransuad’s first presentation of the day which argues that ‘Trauma is contagious…but so is love!’

David’s presentation takes us from Zombies to Uganda, learning from locusts, and examining the contents of the Museum of Broken Relationships, it was quite a journey! In this presentation David compares disengaged and trauma experienced children to zombies and asks us to consider if we lead with love or with fear.

We looked at the scientific fact that shows, that as humans we are hard-wired for love and attachment but that adverse experiences can reshape us to live in a state of fear, mistrust and isolation and David emphasised the importance of creating an empathetic embrace and physical heart to heart hugs too. “Fancy a Serotonin boost, babe?”

In summary, this first session was about creating safe, nurturing spaces, real connections, empathy and feeling. Allowing yourself to hear these stories, to connect, to listen and to touch. “Thank you for feeling painful for me”.

Reframing How We Think About Self-Harm

After a quick tea & coffee we were ready to resume with two further sessions from David (with a lunch break in between) looking at how to work empathetically with children and young people who cut and use other self-destructive behaviours and looking at ways in which we can support.

What do we know?

How do we start these difficult conversations?

How do we show that we are leading with love and not with fear?

This session was really enlightening, David talked about self-harm as a coping mechanism and how if we think about its as willingness to live rather than an attempt to die then we can start to reframe our reaction to it.

Questions, Answers and Group Discussion

With help from two of our delegates and David himself sharing personal experience of self harm we were able to collectively consider why child start to self-harm; is it that they are seeking release, is it a response to anger, are they seeking control. In reality whatever the trigger might be it is always a way of communicating pain.

Reactions Can Cause Shame

We discussed also our reactions when as care givers we encounter self-harm; shock, fear, disgust. These are all normal reactions, it’s ok to be scared but it’s not ok to be scared of being scared.

We must face this, we must not turn away, these children are not seeing attention, they are love seekers, safety seekers, connection seekers. Instead, be curious, show empath, understanding, find our their intentions.

Lead with safety first, can they clean their wounds, can they treat their wounds, help make them safe. If we lead with fear, we greatly increase the feeling of shame and the likelihood of escalating the behaviour.

Self-Care and Taking a Deep Breath

Throughout the day David had been reminding us to prioritise our own self-care some of the stories and experiences that David had shared with us were confronting and challenging to hear.

We were delighted to put what we preach into practice when we were joined by Joelle from Kadampa Meditation Centre in Glasgow. Joelle explained to us the importance of meditation and then led us all though a guided meditation. I think we could all feel the benefit of taking a moment for ourselves.

Later in the day teachers in the audience who use meditation in their classrooms as part of their regular practice explained the benefits that they have witnessed in terms of improved concentration and energy. It was described as a real “missed opportunity” if meditation wasn’t used regularly in the classroom.

Reaching In: Connection with Courage

Our final speaker of the day was Danny Gemmel from Be-Inn Unity. We have been lucky enough to have Danny speak at our conferences before and it was great to welcome him back. Danny is always so generous in the way he shares his experiences around his own mental health challenges over the year which have included suicidal thoughts.

Danny served in the army and experienced real connections and healthy relationships which led him to re consider other relationships in his life and to look at his own childhood experiences and go on a journey to learn about connection and attachment and understand more fully how is own ACE’s have shaped him.

Danny set up Be-Inn Unity to help vulnerable young people connect with their stories and to empower them to thrive. He advocates creating safety, teaching children to regulate their nervous system, how to build connected relationships, how to understand their own story. It was great to hear Danny’s story and really inspiring to learn how he has channelled his own experiences into a positive outcome.

What have we learned?

We must practice empathetic connection, if we lead with fear, we create shame and the possibility of escalating self-destructive behaviour. We must leading with love. Love is contagious. Thank you to all who so bravely shared their stories with us today.

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To get in touch

Call us: 0141 638 4098

Email us: carolyn@medicacpd.com